Everyone agrees that a healthy consensual sexual life is a cornerstone of a happy and healthy relationship.
But what happens when you hit perimenopause and your libido drops and you don’t feel like having sex anymore?
How is your relationship going to survive when you just want to turn off the light and go to sleep and they are ready for a little action under the sheets?
Should you just let it be, and deal with the silent treatment and hope that in time they will understand that sex just doesn’t seem all that important to you anymore, or should you do something about it?
Are you worried that your partner will not accept your loss of libido, and might go and have an affair? (not a good reason for an affair by the way- you must be open and communicate with them the reason for your loss of libido, it is important that they understand that you still love them, and that the lack of desire is a part of what your body is experiencing.)
If any of these thoughts are waking you up in the middle of the night, and you just don’t know what to do, then read on to understand the surprising reason why your libido is reducing and the two most effective ways of enhancing your libido in perimenopause and menopause.
Your testosterone levels are to blame for your decrease in libido during perimenopause.
Yes, you read that right. Testosterone.
Every woman and man produces the sex hormone Testosterone. For women, your ovaries produce both testosterone and estrogen.
Relatively small quantities of testosterone are released into your bloodstream by the ovaries and adrenal glands, and the rest is from your peripheral tissues.
However, the bad news is that testosterone production rapidly drops after 25.
25!!! Yes, and that means by the time you are in your 40s and 50s, it’s on a downhill rollercoaster ride. So if you think it’s something that you can “deal with later”, then you will really be fighting an uphill battle, once testosterone production levels are at an all-time low.
Symptoms associated with low testosterone in perimenopause and menopause:
Some of the symptoms associated with low testosterone in women include:
- affected sexual desire
- affected sexual satisfaction
- depressed mood
- muscle weakness
- Decreased sensitivity in your erogenous zones
- Decreased sense of well-being, energy, and ambition
- Loss of or thinning pubic hair
- loss of lubrication leading to painful sex
- dissatisfaction and anger with life and partner
- loss of sexual desire leading to a decrease in sexual thoughts, desires, and actions
- embarrassment about hair loss or increase in facial hair
What can I do about the drop in Testosterone? Can I increase it?
I’m afraid not. You can, however, address your desire and sexual mindset and alleviate any pain or discomfort associated with painful sex. You have to encourage sex to retain the desire.
How do I increase my sexual desire when my Testosterone is declining?
The good news is there are two easy ways to increase your sexual desire:
- Use aromatherapy- in pre-sex massage, in a diffuser and as a pure-fume
- Take an Ashwagandha supplement (I recommend Mito 2 Max)
How can essential oils and aromatherapy help with my desire, when my testosterone levels are low?
The good news is essential oils and aromatherapy are a very effective and timeless proven method of stimulating desire and helping the body and mind to become aroused.
- Reduce anxious feelings and fear of intimate relationships and sexual performance.
- Increase feelings of relaxation
- Calm emotions that block arousal
- Increase blood flow to sexual organs
- Increase feelings of connectedness
- Enhance lubrication and reduce vaginal dryness (please understand this is by using ESSENTIAL OILS in a lubricant to address the issue- not diffusing)
- Enhance your overall sexual experience
- Perfect for those with physical touch or acts of service as a love language. Have you read Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”It could be a game-changer for your relationship when you truly understand you and your partner’s real love language.
Which essential oils should I use?
- Rose- powerful healer of the heart
- Jasmine- stimulates sympathetic nervous system; oil of sexual purity and balance
- Geranium – oil of love and trust
- Ylang Ylang- aphrodisiac
- Cinnamon- spices it up
- Black Pepper- the oil of unmasking
- Sandalwood/Patchouli/Myrrh/Neroli- increases sexual desire
How do I use the essential oils?
The key to using essential oils for desire is to create an intention and use the oils specifically- incorporating them into your sexual routine.
- Massage your partner before sex, to get them and you into the mood!
- Put on your diffuser with a proven tried and tested sexy blend to boost desire
- Wear an aromatic blend during the day and leading up to sex
Sexual Desire Aromatic blend for him:
- 3 drops Ylang Ylang
- 1 drop wild orange
- 2 drops Rose or Geranium
- Make this blend up and ask him to wear it. He should adorn himself on the back of his neck, feet and wrists – he can blend the oils together with a carrier oil, or apply undiluted if you do not have sensitive skin.
Sexual desire Aromatic blend for her:
- 1 drop Ylang Ylang
- 1 drop wild orange
- 1 drop Rose or Geranium
- 1 drop Lavender
- 1 drop Sandalwood
Ignite the fire of passion Massage blend:
- 4 drops Ylang Ylang
- 4 drops Black Pepper
- ¼ cup fractionated coconut oil
This blend is sizzling! It warms your skin and lights the fire of passion within!
Massage firmly on the thighs, inner thighs and bottom.
Do NOT skip the fractionated coconut oil, as black pepper is a HOT essential oil and it will cause skin sensitivities and potentially inflame and burn the skin.
Having said that, if your partner is having trouble getting excited and stimulated in their genital region, this blend will help!
Do not use directly on the genital region- just your inner thighs.
Hot Tip: Fractionated Coconut Oil is non-greasy and does not stain your sheets!
Need more help?
Please remember if you are experiencing painful sex, no amount of aromatherapy or foreplay is going to change that! You need to address the lubrication issue- which is HORMONAL. So please read this blog.
For additional aromatic blends including diffuser blends and other approaches to increasing desire, visit my Thrive in Perimenopause Course.
We have a whole module on libido and examine the role of affirmations and sexual mindset, our definition of what sexy is, how you can use steroid creams, how to pleasure your partner and how it is different to what you think, and how to use love languages to create lasting desire.
Please note that both men and women experience a decrease in the production of Testosterone as they age, so in no way is this post “blaming” women for the decrease in sexuality in a relationship.
The same principles can be applied for men who are experiencing a decrease in sexual arousal due to a decrease in the levels of testosterone in their body.